The Last Dementor Attack

October 28, 2014
By: Rachel Turner

I can’t tell you how good it felt to do what will hopefully be my last chemo. Well I can. It was amazing. To think that it was the last one was a really great feeling. It was still pretty rubbish but as each day went on knowing it was the last time kept me going.

Getting ready for chemo each time is a bit of a mission. It’s like a whirlwind of sorting and organizing and making sure everything is in order for a spell of incapacitation. I met an amazing lady called Jo the other day who had also been through chemo. We were discussing how it made you feel and agreed that a great way to describe it is like being attacked by a dementor out of Harry Potter. You know the ones? They suck out a part of your soul. Sounds severe, but it describes really well the feeling of being zapped, not just physically but mentally. So getting ready for a dementor attack for the last time was a joy. Knowing that all the pills that are needed would be taken for the last time and that the effects would be felt for hopefully the last time was amazing. There have been some very dark times but I feel stronger for being able to get through them. I will miss Jack Bauer though. Big thanks to Caz and Soph for being my hospital angels for the last dose.

In a very weird way I will miss chemo (no I haven’t finally lost it). Being in the chemo three weekly cycle gave me a strange sense of security and safety. I knew during this time that the chemo drugs (or chemo warriors as I like to call them) were attacking the cancer. I knew that my warriors were fighting it and it gave me a certain peace of mind. I am lucky that I am able to have herceptin treatment that will continue for another ten months. So the herceptin warriors will be continuing the fight on my behalf, which is great news.

I am going back to work soon on a part time basis for a while before my operation. I feel it’s important to try and regain some semblance of normality in my life. The last few months have been crazy and a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings, both physical and mental. As I mentioned before I felt kind of safe in the chemo cycle and going back to normal life is a scary prospect. How will I ever feel “normal” again? How will I ever look at life in the same way again? I don’t think I will, or could. I was never very normal anyway, which may make the transition a little easier…

My hair has started growing back! That is great news, it’s fighting through and I have at least 3 millimeters now. I can’t really tell what color it is as yet. There are blonde bits and darker bits so it’s a waiting game to see what it’s going to turn out like. Also it might be curly! Chemo frazzles the hair follicles so it could come back with a chemo curl. How very exciting.

Always note that I am talking about side effects that have affected me during treatment and other patients may be very different. Thanks!

This entry was originally posted in June 2012 on Rachel’s own blog: https://meandthebigfatc.blogspot.ca
You can follow her on twitter @chitchelmaryt