Dating after Cancer

July 15, 2014
By: Anne Katz PhD, RN

Dating is scary for some people (well, maybe most people!) and dating during and after cancer can be especially scary. While everyone is different, most people have the same fears and doubts and “issues” about being attractive and desirable. Some people just cover their fears and insecurities better!

But having cancer can make dating feel different. As a cancer survivor you may be more mature than others because of your experience and you may feel pressure to get on with your life, to really live life to the fullest – and this may make you feel like you have to find a partner and fast! But how do you do that? And what if your cancer experience makes you scared of committing to someone because you are not as certain as others about how much time you have and if you can have kids in the future?

So here are some suggestions about dating during and after cancer:

How Do You Start Dating When You’re Out of Practice or Out of the Loop?

· Don’t take it too seriously. You’re looking for company and some fun, not necessarily a soul mate or life partner.
· Practice asking someone to go out for coffee, a movie, or a walk (and yes, girls can do the asking too!).
· Say the words out loud to yourself in the mirror or to a friend.
· Think about what it means if someone says no. It’s not the end of the world, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a great person. It just means that the person you asked is busy or not interested at the time, or perhaps already in a relationship.
· It gets easier with practice and time. Really.

(From This Should Not Be Happening: Young Adults and Cancer, Hygeia Media 2014 – used with permission.)

So once you’ve gone on the date – now what? The issue of disclosing your cancer history is often more scary than asking someone out on a date or accepting an invitation. What do you tell? How do you tell? When do you tell?

Interested? You’ll have to wait for my next blog that deals with disclosure!