Featured Fighter – Amber Gillespie
August 25, 2015
By: Amber Gillespie
BASIC INFO:
Name: Amber Gillespie
Age: 30
Hometown: San Antonio, TX / Las Cruces, NM
Occupation: Professionally unemployed
Diagnosis: Metastatic breast cancer
If you were a professional boxer or wrestler, what would your name be? Iron WomanTHE FRIGHT:
I was first diagnosed with stage 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in January 2012. My first fears were about my ability to breastfeed and my fertility. I sadly accepted that I would not be able to breastfeed any children I had in the future, which was difficult as my mom works as a midwife and taught us the importance of healthy baby rendering. Then when I asked my oncologist if I should freeze eggs, her response was, “No, we don’t have time. We need to start your treatment as soon as possible. Plus you are young, so you don’t need to worry about your fertility.” I was 26.
A year and a half after I finished chemo, I went to the gynecologist for a pelvic ultrasound and lab work. I was in menopause. I was so pissed! I immediately called my oncologist crying and she said, “We still need to wait and see. There’s a 50% chance that your fertility is intact.” Okay, well what? You said I didn’t need to worry about my fertility, but now you’re saying it’s a 50% chance! NOT COOL! Three months later, my period started again, and I rejoiced! Although I knew having a monthly menstrual cycle didn’t guarantee I was fertile, it gave me hope.
Then in September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage IV (metastatic) breast cancer. Again, my fertility was brought up. My new oncologist agreed we should try to harvest eggs before I started my long-term treatment. After two different kinds of hormonal injections to ignite my ovaries into little egg factories, we gave up. My ovaries were dead… from my chemo in 2012. Needless to say, I am now 30, still single, and I will never have children of my own. Since I was 3 years old, all I ever wanted was a happy family with three or four children.
Recently I have gotten to a point that I realize I can’t even take care of myself physically (chronic pain, unpredictable nausea, etc.), so I have accepted that I should probably not try to adopt or have children through a surrogate. Currently, I am loving on my brand new baby niece (born July 9), whom I get to live with, and all of my friends’ kids! I love my independence and that I can hand the baby back to mama when she is crying!
THE FIGHT:
Sheesh! This list could go on forever… Living with metastatic disease, I do a treatment for as long as it shrinks or stabilizes the cancer. Since I was diagnosed in September 2014, I have already done two separate cycles of radiation (on different body parts), Lupron shots with Faslodex (injections) for my first chemo, then I tried Ibrance with Femara for my second chemo, Xeloda for my third chemo, and now I just added Taxotere to the Xeloda regimen. In less than one year… That’s a lot of different treatments, but the Xeloda is working really well on my bones and my lungs. My liver needs a little help to get there, so we added the Taxotere. I am ready to be bald again… Texas summers are hot!
The greatest challenge in cancer is definitely the depression for me. During my treatment in 2012, I broke up with my boyfriend and felt so alone everyday while my roommates were at work. I finally asked my oncologist for an anti-depressant and a support group. It took many tries to find a group of cancer survivors and fighters that I fit in with. I also got a counselor. When I started working a normal 40-hour week at my previously, very high-stress job, I would see the depression creep back in. I learned my triggers: stress, loneliness, and feeling useless. When the depression hits, it starts an evil cycle because I didn’t want to be around people or do anything which just increased the loneliness and uselessness. I still deal with the depression every now and then. I think living with a metastatic cancer will keep the depression lingering in my life, but I have learned a lot of good techniques to deal with it (including the medications, but also meditation, yoga, etc.), and I am very self-aware of my emotions now.
FIGHTING THE FRIGHT:
In 2012 I went through four months of chemo treatment meeting only one fellow young breast cancer survivor. Although she was (still is) super awesome and helpful to me, it wasn’t enough. We didn’t see each other often or talk enough. I was so lonely as all of my friends were mid-twenty party animals or getting married and having kids. I had almost completely lost the social life I had before my diagnosis. After contacting the social worker at my cancer clinic who recommended I join their breast cancer support group, where I would certainly be welcomed as the “granddaughter” of the group, I knew I had to find another solution. She put me in contact with a group called CanCare, which matches cancer patients to survivors with similar diagnoses. Through CanCare, I met a wonderful, youthful gal named Sandy, who changed my life in so many ways. She understood me! She introduced me to multiple opportunities in the area for young breast cancer patients, and eventually she got me into the advocacy I do today for the cancer community.
One group that Sandy introduced me to was the Young Survival Coalition, which helps young women affected by breast cancer, so that no one has to face it alone. I have attended two of their national conferences, I represent YSC as a Texas State Leader, I started a local support group through their programming, and I attend scientific, research, and legislative conferences with their name on my badge! I am so proud to be a part of the YSC organization. As a State Leader, one of my responsibilities is outreach to other young women affected by breast cancer. I wish I had met Sandy the day of my diagnosis. Having support from someone who “gets it” may have kept me out of the deepest depression I’ve ever experienced. I hope to be that person to so many people – not just breast cancer survivors. Now, I am involved in too many cancer support organizations to mention, just so that I can be there for whomever needs me!
