Life after cancer
June 22, 2013
By: Nicole Furey
Last month I received a letter telling me I had been accepted to study at the University of Toronto where I will complete a master of social work degree. I had been anxiously waiting to receive this letter for months, and to finally have that piece of paper in my hand was an amazing feeling. After cancer, I was faced with the “now what?” question. I wasn’t sure where to go with my life, what to fill my days with, or why I should bother getting dressed each day. I jumped back into school and focused my energy in this positive outlet, which has served me well. I have met some of my best friends through school and have learned more than I ever knew I didn’t know.
Six months ago, when it was time to make the decision of whether or not I wanted to apply to graduate school, I had feelings similar to the post-cancer “now what?”. I knew I wasn’t ready to be finished with school, but I feared I was wasting my life away in the library. I had thoughts like: “don’t you just want to get on with your life?”, and “what if something happens during this degree to throw me off track again?”, along with: “will I regret spending this time studying and not just living?”. Had I not been diagnosed with cancer I’m not sure I would have even thought twice about this decision. Today, however, three years post-cancer, many decisions I make take into account the fact that my life could change drastically any day should I get sick again. This is a scary thought.
A young adult faces many important decisions. Should I get married? Buy a house? Move into the city? Have kids? Go back to school? Each of these decisions will set you on a new life trajectory and can be scary to make. Making these decisions while dealing with issues that come along with survivorship such as anxiety, isolation, fear of recurrence, fertility complications, etc., can be simply overwhelming. While discussing this with a professor who had been diagnosed with cancer, I received this advice: “make decisions that will make you happy. Don’t make decisions based on the fact that you might get sick again.” I have never forgotten these words and I try to keep them in mind when that nagging “what if” creeps into my head.
My life after cancer has been full of big decisions. Tears, laughter, sickness and health have each been present at some point or another. I have no idea what my life will be made of tomorrow, next year, or in ten years. I do know that whatever path I follow I want to be happy. Life after cancer is scary, perhaps even scarier than the actual cancer itself. No one prepares you for the next “new normal” phase of your life. I am taking life after cancer day-by-day while at the same time preparing myself for a future of happiness, and keeping in mind the wise words of my professor.
