Survive & Thrive Kayaking – The Owyhee River

June 8, 2013
By: Meagan O’Neill

Midway through University finals in 2012, I was cruising Facebook instead of studying. I came across a link: https://www.survivethrive.org. I watched videos, read stories, and decided to apply.

Here’s why:

I was a first year college student and volleyball player when I found a lump in my neck. I never imagined what was coming. Within weeks I had received multiple tests, and surgery confirmed it: on October 18, one week before my 18th birthday, I was diagnosed with Burkitt’s Lymphoma, a type of non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. It’s extremely aggressive and doubles at an alarming rate. I was immediately admitted to the Cross Cancer Institute (in Edmonton) for intensive chemotherapy, quit school and volleyball, lost my hair, energy, general pride and self-esteem. Cancer sucks. It can turn your world around in a heartbeat.

For a long time, I could only see the hurt, isolation, and negative cancer caused. I was depressed, lonely, bald, and steroid chubby: the least sexy 18-year-old. I was back at school and volleyball, “almost normal,” and four years cancer free when I found Survive & Thrive. I was in a negative place, asking “why me?” on a daily basis. I immediately decided the kayaking trip was for me.

I started out the trip uncomfortable, nervous, shy, and out of my element. I left the trip with best friends, a nation-wide support system, and the most incredible memories. We got filthy and sunburned, laughed and cried, and conquered rapids and winds we never thought possible. We had a 24-hour solo that I was terrified of, but that became my favorite part of the trip. It’s amazing what you learn about yourself when all you have is a journal for company. I learned I am stronger, more independent, and definitely more adventurous than I thought.

As a cancer survivor I have always felt guilty. Not only that I survived when others have not, but guilty that I was not doing anything “cancer-oriented.” I know of many survivors starting programs, foundations, or support systems. I did none of this. I focused on getting my life back, because I figured as a survivor at 18, this was what I was entitled to focus on. But I felt guilty every day for not doing something magnificent to “pay the world back” for being alive. This trip, more than anything, taught me it’s okay to just be alive. Me simply being alive is probably making somebody else’s existence on this planet just a little more bearable. Maybe someday I’ll change the world. But for now, I’m taking care of me. And that’s okay too.

I am now 5 years cancer free. I have been officially discharged. I finished my undergrad with distinction and am now doing my masters. I am celebrating by going on another adventure to the Grand Canyon! Maybe this year I’ll help someone else come to realize it’s okay to just be alive – it’s amazing every day we wake up. We’re all lucky to be here, so embracing that and living life is thanks enough. In my eyes, at least.

Every cancer survivor should do a Survive & Thrive Expedition. It will change your life.