Unknown Universe

March 27, 2013
By: Dominique Bragoli

It was in June 2012 that I received my breast cancer diagnosis. Being told at 26 years of age that you have cancer and that you’ll have to undergo chemotherapy treatments (16 of them), an operation to have both your breasts removed, a month of daily radiotherapy, followed finally by the reconstruction of your breasts with silicone, is definitely one of the worst scenarios that an otherwise healthy young woman with one thousand and one dreams can be confronted with. But, somehow, what happened to me is a good thing. From one day to the next, my schedule was filled with appointments, scans, and blood tests. No more time for working, no more time to see my loved ones… my life had just had both its legs broken, and I had never been so unhappy and lost as I found myself in this new and unknown universe called Cancer.

Only a few weeks after my diagnosis, a friend insisted that I connect with Hope & Cope and their Wellness Centre, and especially that I meet Scott Adams. I didn’t like the idea of being part of a centre where everybody has cancer. Seeing all these older women patients every day was discouraging: I didn’t like the idea of being the only young person with cancer. Scott told me, though, that I was far from being the only one, and that there was a whole community of people aged 40 and under that met frequently in order to support one another. Even then, though, I didn’t really want to associate with these people, because I was not sick, and I had all the support necessary through my family and friends. Scott told me to take my time, but that things were going to change, and that while my new universe may not ever be the same or as simple as before, he would be there for me when I needed.

After my first 7 chemotherapy treatments and when I had a little more energy, I contacted Scott so I could start exercising again. I am someone who has always worked out often and intensely, but since the beginning of this whole ordeal, I just didn’t have the energy. I started back with a light program, which was specifically adapted for someone in my condition. I could not have gone to a regular gym to work out on my own, because I was really weak, sometimes almost to the point of passing out. Luckily the Wellness Centre offers fitness programs, because week after week I watched as my energy level shot right up and my chemo treatments became much easier to manage. I knew that starting to exercise again would help me – it was a real miracle.

Just as Scott had said, over 6 months into this whole experience, things changed and my universe was becoming more and more difficult to deal with. My operation was fast approaching, and no one really understood my fear, or how much I was hurting. In January of 2013, CancerFightClub Montreal organized a retreat for young adults, and Scott insisted that I go. I had just finished my chemo treatments and I was terrified to meet all these people that I had resisted meeting for so long. I was told what the program was for the weekend and it was true that everything seemed really interesting, so I decided to go, but with very few expectations. Scott did everything to try to reassure me, but I was really sceptical until the moment I stepped into the room with my “roommate.” Once we were settled in, we got to talking, and realized really quickly that we were meant to meet one another. I knew right away that I had just made a friend for life. All weekend long, we participated in activities and I met wonderful people, who could actually understand my situation and my real fears about my upcoming operation. I don’t like talking about cancer, but with these people I came to understand a lot of things about myself, and they succeeded in getting me to feel and express feelings that I had hidden away, deep, deep down inside.

At the end of the retreat, I wasn’t able to describe how I was feeling, because I was so overwhelmed after meeting these people and coming so far in so little time. It is only now that I can find the words to express what I felt: I finally made peace with myself and my illness. If it weren’t for all of this, I could never be as serene as I presently am, and I believe that morale is key in overcoming cancer. There are still a number of steps that I must complete along this journey, but today, I am a cancer survivor.