From Independence to Dependence
November 13, 2013
By: Sandy Lipkus, MSW
I recently read an article in the Globe and Mail about the distinct needs of young adults who have been diagnosed with cancer. While most other young adults are leading healthy, active, and busy lives, facing a cancer diagnosis often makes it difficult to keep up socially, academically, financially and professionally. Young adults are in the prime of their lives, and suddenly a cancer diagnosis with multiple or risky treatments have forced them to face their own mortality. The devastation of their new health situation and living with uncertainty puts them into unfamiliar territory. Some of the challenges facing young adults include:
(a) Isolation. It can be difficult for young adults with cancer to find strong, reliable familial and peer support as they face their illness… and this can lead to feelings of despair and isolation. “The number one issue young adults have to face is isolation,” said Peter Laneas, 37, a Toronto-based actor who has been diagnosed twice with testicular cancer.
(b) Loss or change of friendships. You may expect people to call and offer support, but that may not always be what happens. Some people say nothing or do not even acknowledge the cancer diagnosis or treatment. The topic of cancer can often put a strain on conversations because people just don’t know how to have a normal conversation with someone who has cancer.
(c) Intimacy and fertility issues. Many issues cause young adults to struggle daily with questions such as: “Should I or should I not try to conceive?”… “Am I able to have or father children?”… “Does my partner see me differently?” …
(d) Finances. Unemployment, the cost of childcare and/or medications, or leave of absence from work can add to the worries of young adults’ daily lives.
(e) Personality and physical changes. It has been reported by some family and friends that their loved one with cancer has gone from being an outgoing, social individual to becoming withdrawn or depressed.
Young adults fighting cancer may feel that they are facing the loss of their independence. It is often necessary for them to begin reaching out to others for help, and this can be a very difficult step for them to take. The change from being an independent person looking forward to a bright future to someone who is dependent on family or friends for help – be it physical or financial help, or help with young children – can be extremely difficult. Here are some concrete suggestions on how to cope with this new way of life:
1. Seek help. If you are having relationship or communication problems, consider seeking help from a family counselor or joining a support group. Support groups are available for couples, people with cancer, and their family members or caregivers. For resources in your area, you may need to contact the local hospital, cancer center, community center, or religious institution.
2. Connect online. In this age of social media, there is help and support 24/7. Remember there are other young adults who are living with cancer.
3. Participate in any form of self-expression. Art, physical exercise, music, etc.
4. Advocate for yourself with your health care team. It is usually wise to attend appointments with someone else. When speaking with your health care team, do not be afraid to ask for clarification or to question anything you do not understand.
5. Attend conferences and retreats. This will give you the opportunity to share stories, while also attending organized discussions on important topics including family or marital relationships, sexuality, fear of recurrence etc.
6. Single Parent? Accept help from your own parents or other family members. You may need to move back home for a period of time and receive assistance with childcare, meal preparation, or finances.
7. Married? Good communication involves talking openly and honestly about your thoughts and feelings with your partner. It includes both expressing your own perspective and listening to your partner’s point of view.
8. Sperm or egg preservation. Find out about ways to preserve sperm or eggs for the future.
