Support Groups
May 1, 2014
By: Jennifer Finestone
As anyone reading this blog can attest to, cancer brings with it a lot of changes. Changes in relationships and sexuality. Changes in body image. Changes in energy levels, schooling and career path, and perhaps most importantly, changes in identity. Not feeling connected to who you were and not knowing who you are and where you’re going can be overwhelming. Support groups can help.
“But why would you go to a support group? You’re doing great! You can do it on your own… And won’t it be really depressing???” Many people seem to have a very specific and narrow view of support groups, which is strange given that not many of us have actually attended any. I guess we’re used to seeing people on TV sit in a gloomy circle and cry. But I have been co-facilitating the young adult support group at Cedars CanSupport for almost three years now and we do just as much laughing as crying – if not more!
The young adult group continues to be a source of inspiration for me. It is a mixture of people in active treatment and people who are post-treatment, with all different stages and diagnoses, and somehow it works. Some people participate in more than one group, others find that one eight-week session is enough. People coming to the group for the first time are often nervous, not knowing what to expect, wondering if this is the right thing for them, and something happens…
They realize that they are in a room of people who “get it” and who want to talk about it, or at least listen. Unlike with their parents or partners or friends, they don’t need to pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. All thoughts and emotions are allowed in the group – but again, we do a lot of laughing with the crying. Some people share a lot about themselves, others prefer to do more listening. It’s all good. The point is to have a place where you can acknowledge all the changes that cancer can bring into your life and start to deal with them.
Support groups can help us deal with the emotions that come with a cancer diagnosis. Studies show that recognizing and talking about our feelings helps keep them from overwhelming us or becoming unmanageable. There is a lot of focus these days on staying positive. I’m all for a positive attitude, but it’s gotten to the point that if we have a bad day, we could feel like we’re causing our cancer to progress faster or like we’re precipitating a recurrence. We’re human beings and we all have bad days. We’re allowed! And I believe that acknowledging how we feel – no matter how crappy – can allow us to get through it faster. Only then can we cultivate a more positive attitude. Not a fake, eternally cheerful one, but one that allows us to appreciate some of the good things in life along with the @*^# life can throw us. In the support group, we’re allowed to look at all of it: the good, the bad and the ugly. We don’t have to protect anyone by pretending that everything’s fine when it’s not – and that can be liberating in and of itself. And we realize that we’re not alone. That others feel the same way. That we’re not crazy.
Support groups aren’t for everyone, but I am amazed at what most people get out of them. Participants have come through blizzards, downpours, even a flood on MacTavish to get to group. To be with other young adults who get it. To support each other. To laugh and to cry. To learn more about themselves. To accept themselves a bit more. It’s not always easy being human, especially when you throw in a cancer diagnosis. Coming to a support group can help.
Please contact me if you’re in the Montreal area and interested in attending the next AYA support group. 514-934-1934 x.35297 or cedarscanjennifer@gmail.com.
